TruFax GleeTroll Stories
by TrenchcoatFlasherCastiel
Summary: The chapter in which the gleeks remember what really made them all become friends in the first place, slushies. One icey freezey bloody prom coming right up. no dinosaurs, but maybe a vampire may show up.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own any of GLEE, etc, etc…if I did I wouldn't need this story to make all of my dreams come true and poke a little fun at myself and the fandom and my obsession with samcedes and GLEE in the process.

GleeTrufax #1: They all ship samcedes, but RIB likes to play

kurt and rachel are marching into school all determined, mercedes and others are in the background. they hit the hallway with the wind machine and look like they are going into show choir battle. finn has his supportive buffoon face on and blaine is looking all french pooodlish. suddenly a door opens (to the janitor's closet) in the background and a well muscled arm (totes tru if you saw it lifting weights last night *fans herself*) and pulls mercedes into the dimly lit recesses.

The camera is actually torn about who to follow as it pans to look at kurt and rachel walking one way and the door to the closet swinging shut. after almost following gayberry, the decision is made and suddenly we are in the closet.

Mercedes is pressed up against the closed door with a look of shock plastered on her face and a grinning sam facing her.

he says 'two things, that's all, i promise'

she nods slowly and relaxes into the door.

'number one, will you go to prom with me, just you, me, the bolo, and the diva?'

she smiles shyly and says 'there's so little time left, is it wise to jump into it now' and then she adds, 'wait, the bolo?'

smiling, he moves in closer and answers. 'all i want is to have my princess on my arm one last time. besides, the body roll is just one of my new moves. i wanna teach you some more.' he wiggles his right eyebrow at her.

'TEACH me? you? plese, boy i could roll you to the floor and back up again.'

'is that a yes?'

'yes' *eyeroll* (but not a nasty one like the one from the Whitney tribute, a cute flirty one)

'good, now for number two'

his arms had been palmflat against the door on either side of his head. at this point he moves his left to cup her face while his right slides down off screen. his right shoulder dips and as he moves mercedes mouth falls open. We zoom in on her face, sumthin is def going on down there. 'sa-ssam, what are you doing'

leaning in for a kiss he says, 'baby, you think i didn't see you in that skirt friday.' after melting her with a kiss, during which he can be heard mumbling 'dat ass' he pulls back (and is very pleased that she tries to follow his lips back, to avoid breaking the kiss.) 'i miss you and i'm done wasting time. i don't need official, but i need you, in my arms, holding my hand, sitting on my lap, smiling at me, and laughing in my ear...everyday until i have to let you go.'

she stands there with a dreamy look on her face, and before she can answer sam has pressed forward for his next kiss. he doesn't need an answer, just her.

and then back to the part of the show no one cares about (unless rachel does actually choke in her nyada auditions, then i am watching the hell out of that next segment!)

it should go down like thus:

a smexily dischevled and breathless samcedes sneak into the back of the auditorium hoping to at least have made it in time to hear kurt. they are somewhat pleased to discover that rachel is still onstage.

*pretend this is rachel singing, b/c i don't know what song she's actually doing…*

and then the singing just ends midcroak. rachel covers her mouth and her eyes go wide. 'let me star-'

'this audition is over. NEXT!'

'no but wait you, you don't understand. i need another—c'

'NEXT!'

rachel gets all red in the face and starts shaking real bad. finn is hiding in the wings watching with kurt. next thing you know kurt gasps and dives behind finns body for cover. finn just stands there letting himself be covered in goop.

(imagine your tv screen covered in pink gloopy berryguts that are now sliding down leaving slimy trails, blocking your view from the shocked reaction of the hidden gleeks now rushing the stage. okay really it's just blaine & samcedes, but they are rushing.)

and finn is looking confused and gassy, not sure how to fix it. and now you hear 'squeak, squeak, squeak' as the creepy janitor comes out of the wings wheeling a cleaning cart. mr. kidney looks at finn, tosses kurt a towel, and goes to stand over the berrypile now littering the stage. turning back to his cart he walks over to the screen with one of those big squeegees to remove the blood&guts from the screen (as if there really is a camera there!)

a/n: perf beginning andending LOL :P & wanky episode title is wanky.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own any of GLEE, etc, etc…if I did I wouldn't need this story to make all of my dreams come true and poke a little fun at myself and my obsession with samcedes and GLEE in the process.

**GleeTrufax #33 where have all the haters gone? **

the scene opens in a dimly lit office. after laying low for far too long, it's high time that the legion of GLoom meet to discuss how exactly they are going to fuck up prom.

the one who alot of fangirls thinks is Mercedes exbeau azimio asks 'you sure that its okay for us to be in here?'

it's becky bitches replies with 'yeah, coach gave me a spare key to use whenever, and if she wasn't under the influence of hormone therapy she'd be running the meeting.'

jewfro asks, 'where exactly is sue btw?'

'having her tracksuits taken out for the babybump.'

mulletboy asks 'am I the only one who thinks that's a little creepy?'

'no, 98% of the polled studentbody agree.' the LOG look at jewfro. 'i'm still relevant dammit.'

It's becky bitches says 'moving on… you got the machine up and running?'

running his fingers through his long luscious mane, the stick answers with, 'yeah, purring like azimio's mama was last night.' mercedes ex gives the stick the finger and tries to beat his mullet off with his own hockey stick. eventually they stop rolling around on top of each other on the floor and take their seats.

'boys please! save that for when you're home alone' turning to the next item on her list, she asks about the ballot.

jewfro runs his fingers through his mane too. 'its all taken care of.'

'but they aren't even a couple.'

'they got back together right before the berrysplosion.' jewfro looks at Mercedes ex. 'you mad?'

'fuck you man, that wasn't me.' Endscene…

* * *

'Prom king, Sam evans.' *cheers* he's hawt. It makes sense.

'Prom queen, Mercedes Jones.' *jeers & hisses* this suddenly makes no sense… after getting her crown and scepter, king Sam and Queen Mercedes do the royal wave from atop the stage. in the harsh glare of the spotlight they can see members of the football team and cheerios spread out an start to encircle the stunned crowd.

Drip, drip, drip. Looking up sam sees a dripping bucket-of-slushie above their heads. He jumps to encircle Mercedes just as a rope tips it over and the sticky slushy falls.

Sam opens one eye and realizes that he's not slushied. But neither is Mercedes. The slushie is in a circle around them. 'how did you do that?'

'I don't know, it just happened.'

Seeing more cups of frothy goodness come out, sam says, 'do it again.'

'k.' not sure how, but Mercedes moves her arms and flings the slushie from the stage onto a group of cheerios. 'can you do it too?'

Sam starts to swing his arms like Mercedes had done, but before he can finish he sees azimo push rory in to a wall, breaking the neck of his foreign friend. Anger rips through sam and out of the ends of his hands. He looks at a shocked Mercedes. 'huh, I guess I'm fire and your water?' he tosses a fireball at azimo.

Then all hell breaks loose. Slushies, clothes, blood, start flying. Students scatter, GLoom minions pursue.

Cue the scoobie-doo style chase& action sequence where the following happens:

1. coach beiste pushes Mercedes out of the way when the giant slushie pail falls from the rafters and threatens the weave.

2. sticking out his hockey stick,the stick trips rachel as she runs by in her flats whispering 'must protect the voice', causing her to fall headfirst into the reservoir of the frosty freeze machine. she floats to the top in a giant block of ice, mouth open, but thankfully silent. laughing he runs off to see who else needs a fresh slushying.

3. principal figgins starts a prayer circle with joe and quinn until all three are drowned in a rushing wave of cherry flavored goop. *edits* joe's dreads save him and Quinn by latching onto an overhead light fixture and pulling them up to safety.

4. sue is trampled as students with common sense get the hell out once slushies start pouring down like rain from the sprinklers.

5. becky goes after Tina and loses her in a dead end. Peering at the almost empty (except for the big icemachine that makes the slush) hallway, it's becky bitches squints trying to figure out where the Asian disappeared to. After throwing her slushie on the ground in defeat, becks leaves to find other gleeks to torture. Back2emo tina can be seen blinking and only her moving eyelid gives her away as she stands statue still blending in with the wall perfectly, like a good prop should.

6. artie almost bites it fighting a particularly vicious football player, but puck breaks his guitar over the guy's head, and then stakes him through the heart with one broken piece. Afterwards he insists that the guy was twinkling like a discoball and therefore a vampire in need of staking. Afterwards artie can be heard saying #TRUTH.

7. rolling an unconscious beiste off of her, Mercedes gets up and starts wonking with sam. (LOL. That should totes say 'working' with sam. How weird would that be for them to be going at it in the middle of all that bloody hot mess? Altho that would be kinda hot and kinky…) but no, working. She starts taking slushie from the attackers before they can toss them. She uses the stolen 'with her amazeballs superpowers' slushies to make stakes to either stab them or drive them off and into a cage that just happens to be in the corner. Because convenient product placement is everything.

8. sam is shooting fire from his hands evaporating slushies midtoss and singeing the butts of the tossers (or sometimes accidentially lighting them on fire.) jewfro makes a nice cinder btw. somehow Sam loses his shirt during all of the fighting. I'm not complaining.

9. with a squeal of 'gleeks united!' from sugar, the gleeks and other random losers like them start winning. with mercedes' and sam's superpowers and some pissed off band geeks, all of the bullies are either killed or corraled and being held at bay in the cage by Lucifer (or Santana, same diff).

'where's rachel?' looking around confoosed, a confoosed finn asked.

'good question finn. I don't know but i think she ran overthere maybe?' everyone looks past poodleblaine to the icemachine hallway.

leading the charge save-the-day finn shouts 'oh my god, she's in the icemachine! help me pull her out.'

halfway there brittany skids to a stop across from the wall near the machine. Looking closely at her friend on the wall, she says, 'tina, c'mon, stop playing around and help us get rachel.'

looking at the frozen block before them melting on the floor, everyone looks at the prom king and queen for a solution. 'don't look at me, i just got my powers tonight, i could accidentially take her head off.'

king sam echoes queen mercedes' caution. 'i could boil her to a crisp…by accident' (quinn, who can totes walk, that faker, mutters 'mmmm bacon.')

Finnocents will save the day. 'let's save her with the power of music, just like always.'

'oooooh ohohohoh' kurt is hopping up and down like his gold pants were a size too small. 'i know just what will bring her around. may i do the honors?'

*kanye shrugs all around* kurt takes this as a yes and opens his mouth. toothless kurt then proceeds to sing 'something from Broadway or Barbra Streisand' in his high register. Uh-oh, too high!

the iceblock shatters and so does the rachelcicle inside. toothlesskurt chokes mid-note and dives behind blaine for cover. king sam stands in front of queen mercedes. tina and mike are 'gone' again. rachel slushie covers the rest of them, the walls, and the tv screen.

licking her finger brittany says 'berry, my favorite'

'squeak, squeak, squeak' . the gathered gleeks part as the creepy janitor comes down the hallway wheeling a cleaning cart. mr. kidney looks at finn, tosses kurt a towel, and goes to stand over the berryslush now littering the floor. turning back to his cart he walks over to the screen with one of those big squeegees to remove the frozen blood&guts from the screen (as if there really is a camera there!)

* * *

Holding the mason jar with some rachelbits in it, king sam says, 'is it wrong that this makes me think of our song?'

'Yes that is so wrong.' But before leaning in to kiss him, queen Mercedes sings, 'And who do you think you are? Runnin' 'round leaving scars; Collecting your jar of hearts…' and as the fire extinguishers create a mist, they share their first dance as king and queen.

a/n: yup thats avatar the last airbender and carrie the movie comingling in this update. now that that mystery has been solved, lets move on with our lives.


End file.
